The Final Suri Update
Witizens,
Disclaimer:
The following incidents are all true and happened as I say they happened and couldn't have happened any other way because I said so!
I saw her... Against my will, I swear it! I had managed to allude those photographs for months, and then while checking out at the grocery store it happened. I saw Little Suri Cruise's evil face gracing the cover of a tabloid. I tried to turn away quickly (giving a small yelp because I was being forced to see what my eyes so desperately wanted to reject), but it was all in vain. So, there I was in the middle of the store, yelping with my eyes shut tight (I stood for a few seconds like this) to wipe away the image, but it was too late... much much too late. I knew I couldn't take it back, and it pained me. I left the store in more of a hurry than I had arrived, and with half the glee in my heart. This was a few days ago, but I needed to muster up the courage and strength to even speak of the incident. I'm still trying to cope.
On the next visit to the store, I zoned out in line and realized when it was my turn that I had been facing the tabloids and had subconsciously been staring at a number of Suri pics. I gave up the good fight this time. Perhaps I was hypnotized by the photos... I don't know. All I know is that when my eyes refocused, Suri was as snug as a devil bug in an evil rug in her daddy's arms (well, not Satan, but rather Tom, a close 2nd to the Dark Lord). UGH!! It was my intention to never lay eyes on that child. At the very least, I wanted to hold out far longer than TomKat held out on showing her to the world. They kept the baby under raps for 143 days. I avoided her with great effort for 90 glorious days. I failed the mission, thanks to the love birds' Italian wedding and the goons that took a gazillion photos. Damn them all.
Truly,
Not~So~Cosmo
P.S. Is Satan Asian? I only ask because Suri looks part Asian...
Disclaimer:
The following incidents are all true and happened as I say they happened and couldn't have happened any other way because I said so!
I saw her... Against my will, I swear it! I had managed to allude those photographs for months, and then while checking out at the grocery store it happened. I saw Little Suri Cruise's evil face gracing the cover of a tabloid. I tried to turn away quickly (giving a small yelp because I was being forced to see what my eyes so desperately wanted to reject), but it was all in vain. So, there I was in the middle of the store, yelping with my eyes shut tight (I stood for a few seconds like this) to wipe away the image, but it was too late... much much too late. I knew I couldn't take it back, and it pained me. I left the store in more of a hurry than I had arrived, and with half the glee in my heart. This was a few days ago, but I needed to muster up the courage and strength to even speak of the incident. I'm still trying to cope.
On the next visit to the store, I zoned out in line and realized when it was my turn that I had been facing the tabloids and had subconsciously been staring at a number of Suri pics. I gave up the good fight this time. Perhaps I was hypnotized by the photos... I don't know. All I know is that when my eyes refocused, Suri was as snug as a devil bug in an evil rug in her daddy's arms (well, not Satan, but rather Tom, a close 2nd to the Dark Lord). UGH!! It was my intention to never lay eyes on that child. At the very least, I wanted to hold out far longer than TomKat held out on showing her to the world. They kept the baby under raps for 143 days. I avoided her with great effort for 90 glorious days. I failed the mission, thanks to the love birds' Italian wedding and the goons that took a gazillion photos. Damn them all.
Truly,
Not~So~Cosmo
P.S. Is Satan Asian? I only ask because Suri looks part Asian...
posted by Not So Cosmo @ 9:25 AM
2 Comments:
At 8:43 PM,
Rogue Scholar said…
You know there are rumblings that she may be preggo again, right?
At 10:55 PM,
Not So Cosmo said…
You have got to be fucking kidding. I have to deal with this again? I may ban television altogether if that's true... and the grocery store. Whole Foods it is. She just had that little monster! In my opinion, it's further proof that she didn't birth Suri. I wonder what country this surrogate mom will be from...
Apparently, it's the new Hollywood trend to have "Irish Twins"; it just seems so soon. I mean the pregnancy, as well as the trend.
N~S~C
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