Boys & Toys
Witizens:
It is yet another day slaving for the Big Red Machine, some of you call it "work". Tomato/Tomato my friends. As I'm busily trying to look busy, I'm actually Instant Messaging friends and having a good ol' time; it makes the slavery better. I was just typing to my friend Big Mouth and WWF Shoes, about my toys growing up, and the impact they caused. For starters, let me explain first that I'm the youngest of seven children: 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters. Yep, my folks got down. Anyhow, my oldest brother is 16 years older than I am, and the other two are both 12 years older than me (they were born in the same year, different months, same mom... yeah, my folks got DOWN!). The two that were 12 years older, I'll call them the "Irish Twins", were the source of much torturing to me. How so? By instructing my mother which toys were appropriate for a little girl, and by later abusing the dolls she bought for me. I'll explain...
No KEN:
The Irish Twins told my mother that she shouldn't buy me any Ken dolls because "little girls do nasty things with Barbie and Ken". That was enough for her ears; her "baby" could never do such dirty things. (Meanwhile her "baby" is watching Purple Rain and wondering what the hell Prince is doing to that lady Apollonia...and wait, which one is the lady...very traumatic) Anywho, only Barbie dolls for her Darling Niki. This only left me with Barbies, Teddy Bears, Cabbage Patch, Monchichi, and a group of fucking female or animal toys! Since Barbie had no Ken, and she had to get it on with someone (little girls will still make toys hump without male dolls), she became a lipstick lesbian and a cross-breeding slut. Barbie even got it on with a flippin Monchichi! Ewww, that gross Barbie!!! If I were allowed to have a Ken, or still play with the boys' old G. I. Joes like I used to before they took them away too, I would have more respect for Barbie. Instead, I have this low level of respect for her because I know her homoerotic/bestiality secrets.
Graffiti Bridge:
Once the Twins secured that I had no sexually ambiguous male toys to play with, they begin to write on my girl dolls. They wrote: "Whore, Bitch, Slut...." and much more all over my Barbies and dolls. Now some parents would take their teenage boys to a therapist for that, but my mom just gave them a dose of that old school drug: ass-whipping (extra strength). After all, I'd be super upset, and then she'd have to replace these dolls... don't fuck with a momma's baby and her money. Although I didn't know what those graffitied words meant at the time, those dolls had to be thrown out immediately. And still, I remained a loving child. Then they did the ultimate.... They wrote on my Monchichi!!!! I friggin' lost it. My mother fucking lost it!! They got their asses kicked big time for that one, and I just gave up on dolls all together. That hurt the Twins more than my mom's hits... they killed the baby's love for toys and had to wear that shame. They tried to get me new ones, but I just stopped caring. I haven't played with dolls since.
The Outcome:
For those who know me well, that was the birth of my "Dump IT" mentality, and many more characteristics that are apparent to this day. There is no wonder that "Beauty and the Beast" has always been an absolute favorite. The book, the animated film, the play... I even stayed at the "Beauty and the Beast' themed hotel at Disney. With Barbie humping Monchichi, cn you blame me? It's also no mystery as to why I can listen to music with the lyrics like, "Bitches ain't nothin' but hos and tricks" without batting an eye. I mean Barbie's impression wasn't a good start. Perhaps that's why a man's anatomy is sooooo fascinating, even if I have no desire to get busy.... hmmm... It is the upbringing and influences that we received as children that makes us into the adults we are later. So mothers, and mothers-to-be, please don't listen to your sons' advice about what a little girl should play with. After all, you are letting a young man shape what will become a woman later, and young men are really fucking stupid. Well, at least those Irish Twins were.
Truly,
Not~So~Cosmo
It is yet another day slaving for the Big Red Machine, some of you call it "work". Tomato/Tomato my friends. As I'm busily trying to look busy, I'm actually Instant Messaging friends and having a good ol' time; it makes the slavery better. I was just typing to my friend Big Mouth and WWF Shoes, about my toys growing up, and the impact they caused. For starters, let me explain first that I'm the youngest of seven children: 3 older brothers and 3 older sisters. Yep, my folks got down. Anyhow, my oldest brother is 16 years older than I am, and the other two are both 12 years older than me (they were born in the same year, different months, same mom... yeah, my folks got DOWN!). The two that were 12 years older, I'll call them the "Irish Twins", were the source of much torturing to me. How so? By instructing my mother which toys were appropriate for a little girl, and by later abusing the dolls she bought for me. I'll explain...
No KEN:
The Irish Twins told my mother that she shouldn't buy me any Ken dolls because "little girls do nasty things with Barbie and Ken". That was enough for her ears; her "baby" could never do such dirty things. (Meanwhile her "baby" is watching Purple Rain and wondering what the hell Prince is doing to that lady Apollonia...and wait, which one is the lady...very traumatic) Anywho, only Barbie dolls for her Darling Niki. This only left me with Barbies, Teddy Bears, Cabbage Patch, Monchichi, and a group of fucking female or animal toys! Since Barbie had no Ken, and she had to get it on with someone (little girls will still make toys hump without male dolls), she became a lipstick lesbian and a cross-breeding slut. Barbie even got it on with a flippin Monchichi! Ewww, that gross Barbie!!! If I were allowed to have a Ken, or still play with the boys' old G. I. Joes like I used to before they took them away too, I would have more respect for Barbie. Instead, I have this low level of respect for her because I know her homoerotic/bestiality secrets.
Graffiti Bridge:
Once the Twins secured that I had no sexually ambiguous male toys to play with, they begin to write on my girl dolls. They wrote: "Whore, Bitch, Slut...." and much more all over my Barbies and dolls. Now some parents would take their teenage boys to a therapist for that, but my mom just gave them a dose of that old school drug: ass-whipping (extra strength). After all, I'd be super upset, and then she'd have to replace these dolls... don't fuck with a momma's baby and her money. Although I didn't know what those graffitied words meant at the time, those dolls had to be thrown out immediately. And still, I remained a loving child. Then they did the ultimate.... They wrote on my Monchichi!!!! I friggin' lost it. My mother fucking lost it!! They got their asses kicked big time for that one, and I just gave up on dolls all together. That hurt the Twins more than my mom's hits... they killed the baby's love for toys and had to wear that shame. They tried to get me new ones, but I just stopped caring. I haven't played with dolls since.
The Outcome:
For those who know me well, that was the birth of my "Dump IT" mentality, and many more characteristics that are apparent to this day. There is no wonder that "Beauty and the Beast" has always been an absolute favorite. The book, the animated film, the play... I even stayed at the "Beauty and the Beast' themed hotel at Disney. With Barbie humping Monchichi, cn you blame me? It's also no mystery as to why I can listen to music with the lyrics like, "Bitches ain't nothin' but hos and tricks" without batting an eye. I mean Barbie's impression wasn't a good start. Perhaps that's why a man's anatomy is sooooo fascinating, even if I have no desire to get busy.... hmmm... It is the upbringing and influences that we received as children that makes us into the adults we are later. So mothers, and mothers-to-be, please don't listen to your sons' advice about what a little girl should play with. After all, you are letting a young man shape what will become a woman later, and young men are really fucking stupid. Well, at least those Irish Twins were.
Truly,
Not~So~Cosmo
posted by Not So Cosmo @ 8:47 AM
1 Comments:
At 4:05 AM,
Will Work For Shoes said…
I knew about "No Ken" and some of "Graffiti Bridge" but I had no idea that they had ruined dolls for you altogether. How tragic. I played with dolls (Barbies actually) until the 7th grade (that may be tragic too.) Heck, I still play with dolls now. Remember the Barbie and Ken we bought back at KK to demonstrate the Kama Sutra moves on. And you've been in my apartment. MC and I are the biggest kids I know. If you ever wanna go back in time and get down with the dollies, let me know. I've still got all those Barbies in storage. And some Ken's too.
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