Suri Conspiracy #10056-563.566

Witizens:

Oh yes, conspiracy theory number 10056-563.566 of the “alleged” TomKitten, Suri Cruise. I saw this in US magazine, and it was so good, I just couldn’t let it go. First of all, Not So Cosmo has shared with all of us her ideas on the elusive infant. Let me share mine. Is there a child? Perhaps. Is it Tom and Katie’s? No. I believe they have paid, or worse yet (although I will give them the benefit of the doubt that money exchanged hands) kidnapped some girl that had the baby for them and they are keeping her around (paying her off) as the baby’s wet nurse. A little crazy you say? Let’s think about it. We have seen pictures of Katie out and about. We have seen pictures of Tom and Katie out and about. They are all over the place. Why isn’t she at home taking care of this infant? Yes, yes, I know all about nannies, but as a mother myself, I also know a WEE bit about taking care of babies. It is a 24 hour job. Especially when they are 4 months old. For the first few months, Suri would be eating every 2-4 hours. At 3 months, she probably hit a growth spurt and would be eating non-stop. I remember when my own was that little, I went 2 weeks without sleep because my body was so used to being awake feeding him!!! Besides that fact, Katie is a BRAND NEW MOM!!! She has never had children before (unless Dawson’s Creek is populated by children we don’t know about) and most new mom’s are infatuated with their new babies!! They can’t get enough of them. They want to be with them. Yes, even when dealing with projectile vomiting, 3am feedings, colic, and the unavoidable diaper changes…they want to be with them. There is something magical about babies and new moms can’t get enough. So maybe we need to be asking ourselves what the hell is wrong with Katie (besides the obvious). It makes perfect sense that Tom has paid some woman off to have a baby and raise it for them (despicable)

And perhaps there is some substance behind this theory of mine. TMZ.com has obtained an “official” copy of Suri’s birth certificate. It really is some great reading and I urge everyone to check it out. Let’s go through it. The first issue is the date. Suri was allegedly born April 18th, but the birth certificate wasn’t filed until May 4th when a “friend” came and signed as a witness. WTF!! When I had my son, I had to fill out the paperwork before I left the hospital. Not a friend, not even the father, ME-the MOM!! Who sends a friend to the hospital to fill out paperwork of your CHILD for you? Apparently the nurse who signed it didn’t actually SEE the tomkitten but is authorized to sign in the doctor’s absence. Okay, in this day in age when most hospitals are stepping up on security on the baby floors because of the crazy people that go in and steal babies, I can’t imagine that someone who didn’t even SEE the baby can sign a birth certificate. Especially when identity theft is so prevalent too. I digress… According to TMZ.com, “the hospital rep said that the circumstances that triggered the eventual signing of the birth certificate were that Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite to obtaining one.” WTF2!! Who takes an INFANT out of the country? Someone trying to hide the baby and the real mom. And how else would this been accomplished without someone recognizing Tom or Katie? By having an ordinary mom taking her baby on a plane. The name on the passport would give them away, you say? Has anyone ever really gone through customs? As long as you don’t look suspicious, you pretty much get passed on through.

This is getting weirder and weirder, Witizens. Why go though all of the trouble to hide a baby. Is Tom waiting for his next big movie in order to gain publicity by showing this child? Heaven knows he needs SOMETHING to help him.

Rouge Scholar