"O", I've done it now....

Witizens:

I don't know if it's because I have a "Case of the Mondays" (my schedule changed and bye-bye Margarita Mondays... damn the Man), or if I'm just sick of biting my tongue. I know that women around the World would have me burned at the stake for this bombshell, but I'll say it anyway. Fuck Oprah Winfrey! I love and respect her as a business women, I truly do. Kudos, Oprah. But as a cult leader, hell no. If you were unaware that Oprah is a cult leader, it's because you're not paying attention. All those screaming/weeping/adoring women that swear by Oprah, and don't take her name in vain are as fanatical as David Koresh's Waco-Whackos. Has anyone ever seen the "Oprah's Favorite Things" episodes (a giveaway of, well, Oprah's favorite/expensive things)? Those bitches in the audience go NUTS!!!!

Oprah:
"AND NOW IT'S TIIIIIME...FOR OPRAH'S FAAAAVVOOORRIIITTTTTE
THIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGSSS!"
Fans: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I can't get through a whole episode of that shit without screaming "SHUT UP!!" myself. First of all, no one is cool enough to address themselves in the third person. Not~So~Cosmo is so not a fan of that! Second, when it appears as though half of the audience might faint from frantic excitement, don't make them go nuts if it can be helped. And she knows she's the only one to calm them too; it's part of the bewitching. I've seen her execs try to get the Oprates to calm down, and the screaming just became more frantic. She raised her hands, and a hush fell. I've seen that kind of control before [cough Nazi cough], and it's not pretty. I'm just saying, Oprah seems to love that obsession and power, and even encourages more of it. Which leads me to my third point, her screaming sends them into a frenzy, and she keeps screaming and enticing them to scream like their leader; okay, is it apparent yet that she has a God complex?

In addition to her television show, Oprah also has "O" magazine to further brainwash her flock. One page 15, the magazine will read: "Be happy with your weight/body/self", and on page 30 there will be "10 ways to drop 10 pounds over the weekend". WTF? Be happy, or try the anorexic diet? Which? On top of it all, I dont think Oprah is exactly the weight specialist... that's just my "O"pinion. If I disappear, the Oprates (middle aged suburban housewives) have done me in. I don't care! The fear must end. I don't have to like Oprah. Hell the Beef people have beef with her, and they're still around... well, the profits dropped, and they lost large amounts of money trying to sue her, and Oprates banned beef... Jeez, maybe it's not so safe to hate her... I still don't care! Not~So~Cosmo can hate whoever Not~So~Cosmo wants to on this website. That is, until Oprah buys blogspot.com or the entire internet and has me banned. As for now, Ms. Winfrey is on notice!


Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo

P.S. I told Harpo to beat you!!!!!