Alas, Paramount....
Witizens:
SOUND THE TRUMPETS!!!!!! The "Powers That Be" have heard the cries of the young and the restless, and gave my nemesis, one Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, the fucking boot. He's FIRED!!!! I really don't have anything special prepared for this moment, so this speech is so off the cuff...
"First, I'd like to thank God for making all things possible. Especially the rise and fall of Tom Cruise. I remember when I first began to notice that he was somewhat psychotic, and during those times, only my very best friends understood. Special thanks goes out to Will Work For Shoes, Lioness of Zion, and last, but certainly not least, Rogue Scholar; my one new love who shares my one true hate. You all rock.
In certain situations, hating Tom really lead to feelings of ostracism. The masses would exclaim, "Why do you hate Tom Cruise?!" and I would wonder, "how can you not?", but I'd just answer, "He's an ass"; that sufficed. Now the world knows it, and his bosses can no longer hide it. I'd like to thank my parents for instilling in me that I can hate and love whomever I damn well please; actually more of my mother's teachings. That's my girl. I'd like to thank everyone for finally seeing a madman for who he is... Thank you mad world. And well, God Bless Paramount!!! Thank you." {Bow}
Okay, I'm sure the speech could use quite a bit of work, but I'm not exactly up for any Oscars anytime soon, and neither is Tom. BURN! LOL!!! I'm having so much fun with this, which is so mean, but it keeps me smiling. I do think this time off could give Mr. Mapother time to stop and smell the roses. Everyone needs family time (there is a newborn something in the house!), a vacation, and some down time with friends. It makes us all so human. Perhaps Paramount has given Tom just what the therapist prescribed, if one believes in such things as therapists... Just get some rest, Mr. Mapother, get some rest.
Truly
Not~So~Cosmo
SOUND THE TRUMPETS!!!!!! The "Powers That Be" have heard the cries of the young and the restless, and gave my nemesis, one Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, the fucking boot. He's FIRED!!!! I really don't have anything special prepared for this moment, so this speech is so off the cuff...
"First, I'd like to thank God for making all things possible. Especially the rise and fall of Tom Cruise. I remember when I first began to notice that he was somewhat psychotic, and during those times, only my very best friends understood. Special thanks goes out to Will Work For Shoes, Lioness of Zion, and last, but certainly not least, Rogue Scholar; my one new love who shares my one true hate. You all rock.
In certain situations, hating Tom really lead to feelings of ostracism. The masses would exclaim, "Why do you hate Tom Cruise?!" and I would wonder, "how can you not?", but I'd just answer, "He's an ass"; that sufficed. Now the world knows it, and his bosses can no longer hide it. I'd like to thank my parents for instilling in me that I can hate and love whomever I damn well please; actually more of my mother's teachings. That's my girl. I'd like to thank everyone for finally seeing a madman for who he is... Thank you mad world. And well, God Bless Paramount!!! Thank you." {Bow}
Okay, I'm sure the speech could use quite a bit of work, but I'm not exactly up for any Oscars anytime soon, and neither is Tom. BURN! LOL!!! I'm having so much fun with this, which is so mean, but it keeps me smiling. I do think this time off could give Mr. Mapother time to stop and smell the roses. Everyone needs family time (there is a newborn something in the house!), a vacation, and some down time with friends. It makes us all so human. Perhaps Paramount has given Tom just what the therapist prescribed, if one believes in such things as therapists... Just get some rest, Mr. Mapother, get some rest.
Truly
Not~So~Cosmo
posted by Not So Cosmo @ 7:28 AM
3 Comments:
At 5:05 PM,
Will Work For Shoes said…
Great speech. I was so excited when I heard the news and couldn't wait to see your reply to it. Tom Cruise has never really done anything for me. I really haven't seen much of his work. What I can name and remember are Far and Away (I actually liked that one but I credit that to Nicole Kidman), Jerry McQuire (I fucking hate that movie with a passion and the fact that Cuba "Show me the money" Gooding Jr was in it didn't help) and War of the Worlds. Their may have been others but as I said those are the ones I remember.
I read an article in the latest EW that he is thinking about doing comedy next with that guy who did 40 Year Old Virgin. Apparently Judd Apatow is in love with him. I'll have to find out if he's in the cult too, I mean a Scientologist also.I bet he's seen the Tomkitten.
At 5:10 PM,
Rogue Scholar said…
NSC,
I believe the adjective you forgot to add was "POMPOUS" ass when people ask what the problem is with TC. I mean, anyone who gives their new girlfriend a collection of DVDs of movies he has starred in (3 or 4 I remember him starring with his ex-wife or girlfriend) is a POMPOUS ass. It's about time he got kicked out on it. I am so sick of seeing him everywhere. Yes, I do share your unexplainable hatred for him. He is one of those people I just want to punch in the nose or mess up that god-awful toothy grin of his.
I don't think there has been a movie he made that I have liked. They have all been horrible. How did this guy get to be the highest paid actor in Hollywood. I can think of many other actors that act better, movies are better and above all LOOK better than Tom.
I say it's about time someone who counts started seeing everything that we see!!!
At 6:22 AM,
Will Work For Shoes said…
I told Rogue but didn't mention it to you. Tom and Katie invited David and Victoria Beckham to see the "baby" but there are rules. No flash photography and no BABY TALK. WTF? There may be more rules but those are the ones that stuck with me.
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