Witsy's Why Women Wednesday

Witizens:

It's another Hump Day, even if "ain't nobody humpin' around" around here. Celibacy is a load of bullocks. Ummm, strike that last statement from the record. As you all know, it is time for me to fire off a number of questions geared at the "sugar and spice and everything nice" gender. Why, Women do you carry on a relationship with a man you suspect to be gay, bisexual, bi-curious, or part gay? With all the denial that goes into a traditional romance, suspecting your man has tendencies is the biggest RED FLAG to get the hell out of the relationship. "Does he love me? Does he cheat? Is he gay?"... ummm, that last one has got to go. I mean, none of those suspicions are healthy, but dammit man, that last suspicion has got to go. Why? Because the first two are typical suspicions/accusations that most females' crazy brains will manifest. Is he gay? Well, that takes a little help from the male's personality/lifestyle. Why, Women, do you try to turn a gay man straight? Why do you think you can?

Now, to be fair, there are some women that are caught completely off guard by their partner's coming out. I call these women naive. Then there are the women that always had a sinking suspicion that his hair, brows, clothes, and that delicately-raised pinky were all a bit too femme, but they plow full speed ahead into love anyway. I call these women stupid. Let me help to point out distinguishing characteristics:

1) He wants a finger in his ass
2) He wants you to use the sex toy on him
3) He cares more about his hair than you care about yours and his combined
4) He enjoys watching or talking about you with another man
5) His obsession with ass and anal play/sex is borderline unhealthy
6) He touches his eyebrows in any fashion, even if it is a unibrow
7) He would allow those "Queer Eye" guys to touch him for a makeover
8) He goes to gay clubs "for the music"
9) He owns more beauty products than you do
10) He adores show tunes

I don't want to hear that sexually open bullshit, nor the "Metrosexual" clause gay men are using these days. It's just not convincing me. And neither should it convince you other women. Why doesn't your "Gaydar" go off when your lover is more ladylike than you are? Were you the type of women that were obsessed with being "Mr.s George Michael" back in the day? Metrosexual... pish posh. I liked it better in the good old days when I called them "Queens" because that's what they are. A real man is too oblivious to the world of Cosmopolitan to give a shit about what us women care about, and the moment they begin to care, they care to attract who we attract: men.

Why do women crave these Ken types, and not so much the G.I. Joe types? Why are we manning up more than the guys we are attracted to? And who in the hell told these men to open up more and cry? Was it you, women? If so, ummmm, WHY?!

Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo