The Stars Have Aligned

Witizens,

Okay, I'm not claiming to be psychic.... However, my pick for the Saints to win has been on this site for awhile. The other day, Wednesday to be exact, I added a comment to my post "Superbowl Is Nearing... Place Your Bets" in which I still held true that the Saints could go all the way! On the same day, I wrote my beau an email, and in said email, I confessed my love for Stephen Colbert (I even referred to him as a "Dreamboat"). Now, in my own defense, I know that Stephen Colbert isn't on the top of most girls' lists for Hollywood heartthrobs, but Colbert is brilliant, funny, charming, and sofa king adorable. I heart him. Anyway, on this same Wednesday of writing that the Saints would win and confessing my love for Colbert to my other love, I also tuned in to the "Colbert Report" that same night for The Colbert Report's 200th episode (woohoooo). It was as if Stephen Colbert had read Witsy and agreed wholeheartedly. I was floored! And instantly in love... He even called the Saints "his team" and said he was betting on them in Vegas. How perfect are we for each other?

Clearly, it could all be coincidental; however, don't take my word for it. Just click on the following link, watch the clip, and compare my witticism of the Superbowl outcome. Either Stephen steals my words (and my heart), or the stars aligned on Wednesday and his and my mind were completely in sync.

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=80964&ml_collection=&ml_gateway=&ml_gateway_id=&ml_comedian=&ml_runtime=&ml_context=show&ml_origin_url=%2Fshows%2Fthe_colbert_report%2Fvideos%2Fmost_recent%2Findex.jhtml&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true

Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo

Why Women Wednesday

Witizens,

It is another hump day, and I seem to be back to my old self, so I figured I'd give writing a go. Women, why do we have a hidden "rape fantasy"? Why do we pretend we don't? Why is it hidden? I've heard women deny that they don't, and I've heard sleazy guys say that "all women want it". On a personal level, I admit to my own rape fantasy, and some of my closest friends and sisters will admit it also. In truth, any female that I'm close enough to has confirmed that they have a rape fantasy. So, why the secrecy? My only guess is that women are either unaware of their secret feelings, or they simply deny/suppress those feelings because it's unusual. If you've ever seen Gone With The Wind, then you noticed that Scarlett O'Hara is completely smitten only after her husband, Rhett Butler takes her by "force"; when he was doting on her and lovey-dovey she was not feeling it. Now, I know that Hollywood films are no way to argue a respectable point, but that movie is fresh in my mind and it's fucking classic; the point stays!

I've spoken to men who ask if every woman had this well known rape fantasy, and I usually answer, "most do, but I'm not sure if they are aware of it"... Let me be clearer, most women don't want some stranger to rape them, so for all you rapists, pipe the fuck down. It is more like us women want the men that we know/date/marry to want us so badly that holding us down and forcing us is the most logical thing they can come up with. Perhaps it is the passion, domination, or the "I'm gonna make you mine!" response to a woman's irresistibility that is the cause of our fantasy... I can't decide. All I know is that I'm as normal as they come {snickers}, and I have a rape fantasy.

If this makes me weird, then frankly my dears, I don't give a damn. I'll accept being weird... At least I'm honest. For all my Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butlers of the world who like their men to play the manly card every once in awhile and fuck them whether they say "yay" or "nay", I salute you and your honesty with yourselves. As for those that deny their inner feelings and make it as though the rest of us are perverted... Hmmm... Maybe I should hold these women down and force them to admit they have rape fantasies. They just might enjoy it (I know they would).

Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo

Superbowl Is Nearing... Place Your Bets

Witizens,

Not that I expect anyone to listen to my crazy rantings, but I do remember calling that the Saints were going to be money this year. I also remember telling folks to get their bookies in check because the payoff will be big. If you listened, kudos... You'll be enjoying a nice vacation this year. If you didn't listen and were too much of a scared coward to make a little extra dough, well then... "tough titty" says the kitty.

The Saints, who are led (somehow) by the rookie of the team, Reggie "Prez" Bush are playing like Gods. I mean, compared to the team's last few years, yeah, I can exaggerate like that. The only thing that may stop them is a true God amongst men... LaDainian "LT" Tomlinson. Now this guy may upset my Vegas bet, but I won't be too upset about it if only I can watch him play. LT did for the Diggle Muffins (my smash-hit of a fantasy league/my cat's nickname) what God did for Moses... he made the Diggle Muffins unstoppable. I swear, LT has the gift. I can say that about Reggie Bush as well, but he hasn't realized he's "The One" yet. Bush is like Neo in the first Matrix... LT is Neo in Revolutions. I totally heart both, but in the betting world, my money is on the more heavenly spirited team: The Saints. I'm still looking for LaDainian to provide an upset, but he'll need to play like Lightning and Thunder to stop a Not~So~Cosmo prediction... Anywho, Happy Hunting!

Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo

**With New Orleans desperately needing tourism, let's not be too quick to rule out a fixed game... I'm just saying....

Why Women Wednesday

Witizens,

I have a confession to make. I am addicted to yet another TV show,make that yet another REALITY TV show. The Bad Girls Club on theOxygen network (Viva la Ripsi!) Why, women, are we so obsessed withreality TV? What about these shows, so not based in REALITY, has ustuning in religiously?

I would have to say that my reality TV viewing started back in theday with COPS. That show was, is and will always be awesome. To thisday I think it is the realest show on TV, even more so than the news.I love when they do a Palm Beach episode (I know the Citgo.) Real lifeidiots committing real life idiot crimes being caught by real lifeidiot cops. Pure perfection.

Next came MTVs Real World. I was hooked from the first New York untilthey went "Back to New York", a full decade. That show is filled withdrama and I LOVE drama. I still say my all-time favorite line. It'sfrom the Miami season, said by Melissa, directed at the token gay Dan.Say with your best Cuban accent "Don't you ever, ever call me a bitch,you fucking flamer."

Some of my other reality shows include American Idol, Flavor of Love*, Celebrity Paranormal Experience and the aforementioned Bad GirlsClub. This show is awesome. If you like reality TV, you'll love it.There are many more shows that I watch but memory fails me at thetime. I would have to say the main draw for me is the drama. Is it thesame for you? Why, women, are we so obsessed with reality TV? Let meknow during the next commercial break.

Kisses Bitches,

Will Work For Shoes

* There's a Flavor of Love spin-off called I Love New York. It wascreated especially for New York, who is in my opinion one of thebiggest reality TV losers out there. I mean to get fucked and dumpedby Flavor "Burnt Chicken Wing" Flav twice is just sad. I havesuccessfully avoided the season premiere. Only the rest of the seasonto go. Wish me luck.*

Why Bother Wednesday....

Witizens,

It's been forever since I posted... I shall start with saying I hoped everyone had a super fantastic holiday season and New Year's Eve. I decided that since I'm my own boss, I could take a breather as I damn well please.

I'm in the middle of grieving, so again, I'm going to take a hiatus and get my mind right. When I'm back to my normal self (snickers at "normal"), I'll be back and more ruthless than ever. At some point this grief will turn to uncensored bitchiness, and then the world will come to know and fear my witty wrath.... Happy Fuckin' New Year!

God Bless You Bitches

Not~So~Cosmo