Deja Vu?

If you haven't seen the new Beyonce video for Deja Vu featuring Jay Z, you haven't missed anything unless you like ugly clothes, crazy dancing and looking at guys who would rather be anywhere than where they are. This video is so bad there is an official petition to re-shoot it. Here's the link if you to sign or read (I advise you check it out because it's quite funny): http://www.PetitionOnline.com/dejavu06/petition.html. I personally didn't sign the petition because I don't need or want to see another video for a song that makes no sense. The definition of deja vu is the experience of thinking that a new situation had occured before. Beyonce's song is about her missing her man and how it makes her delusional.
Back to the video. Let's start at the beginning with her in some sort of white bustierre, lingerie thing that looks like it barely hanging on. With this and with a few more outfits we have the messy up-do, which I've hated since middle school when girls would use mirror to create it. Next outfit up is a button down shirt, stockings with designs on them and gloves. Yuck. Then she's running through a grass field in a dress with wild hair. Then another dress, a pink one I think, this time with stringy hair. Finally an outfit shows up that I like. Strike that. An outfit would inlcude everything she had on but the gloves with no fingers stopped working for me when Madonna stopped being like a virgin. My favorite part is up next, Jay Z's rap.
Picture a smoky, dimlit dance studio with a Jay Z leaning against the wall. Enter Beyonce. As she makes her way to him, her body shakes and shimmies as though she drunk or high on something that isn't green. I've chalked it up to Jay Z gives her the good old-fashioned JIMMY LEGS. Once she reaches him, she fawns over him as he raps and looks almost totally disineterested (he does smack her ass once.) I mean he doesn't even blink when her head is at crotch level and she tugging on his belt (the whole scene makes me think of Oliver "Please sir, may I have some more?")
Did I say that was my favorite part? I'm sorry I lied to you. The African dance in the puffy skirt with wild hair is definitely my favorite part (I hope my sarcasm comes through.) It's ricockulous. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! The last time I saw dancing like that and liked it was when Comedy Central played Coming to America. We close the video with her in a black short set and boots and more jimmy legs, although this time no Jay Z.
After watching the video, I was only more convinced that the song made no sense. That's why the video makes no sense. There is so much left to be desired. The only Deja Vu comes from the audience, who is probably thinking they saw this before in Crazy in Love. May I remind you that this time there are no background dancers. I would love to hear your thoughts whether you've seen the video or not.

Until next time,

Will Work For Shoes

Suri Update

Witsy Citizens:

I have heard updates on the devilish little creature the world is awaiting to see, namely Suri. (Side note: I hate that fucking name. Suri is spelled in the four middle letters of her last name, and I don't know if that were intended, or why it would be. Also, when her whole name is said, it sounds like "Syracuse" to me. Anyway, the name sure is crap.)My partner in crime, Will Work For Shoes, has enlightened me that Leah Remini, of King of Queens and also a fellow Scientologist, has seen the Tomkitten. Which furthers my belief that only cult members, I mean scientologists can see Suri. In all fairness, it should not be expected for them to parade their child through magazines and tabloids, but why (OH WHY) can't they keep their affections private too? If we had to watch for months them sucking face, then we might want just a glimpse at the product of all that highly displayed love. It's just ass backwards to me. Anyways, until I see photo documentation, I'm going to stick with that kid has horns. But enough about the evil at home, today, I'm going international with Witsy.

I've been upset lately at the recent battles in Israel; it moved me to buy a newspaper, but not enough to actually watch the news. The fight for the holy land still continues, and is getting out of control. Three different religions hold Israel in high esteem: the Jews, Christians, and Muslims because all have holy ties that date back thousands of years to this one place. My frustration is that they are ruining it with all the bombings and air strikes. What good is Jerusalem when the surrounding cities fall? Nazareth was attacked, and for all you Jesus freaks, that's a major upset. If you're not, then it's upsetting to know people are losing their lives everyday for want of greed of the Holy Land. If this land, in all its holiness is worth killing and dying for, is it really so holy?

I was never baptized into a religion, but I was born with faith. Faith has not driven men to kill one another, but religion has caused more bloodshed and war than anything else. Is that backwards to anyone else. A love for God should not drive men to kill; it's the antithesis of what we should be driven to. If the fight for the Holy Land is to appease God, I think man has missed the point.

To all those who have lost their lives and faith in Israel, Witsy offers a moment of silence and an extended prayer.


Not~So~Cosmo

"Expert" on Cruise

Love Bugs:

I'm about to let all my readers in on something only my closest friends know... I fucking hate Tom Cruise with a passion. Now, I'm a pacifist and I believe in love, peace, and happiness, but Tom Cruise enrages me. No other person does this to me, and never has. I mean, I don't even know this guy (in the sense that I haven't met/spoken with him), but all the same, I despise him. It all started with the memorable couch scene, which I missed (thank GOD!) the first time around, but I couldn't escape it. It was aired and re-aired on the tele over and over and over. Why? Because a grown fucking man is jumping up and down on someone's couch! He must have seen the Rick James special on "Dave Chappelle Show", and thought nothing more than "Fuck yo couch...." to Oprah. Anyway, the world watched and laughed at Tom's first public debacle, and yet he continued to spiral down...down...down.... even when no one was laughing.

The second outbreak was one that I did witness on "The Today Show"; Tom Cruise proclaiming he was an "expert of psychology", yelling at Matt Laurer, and bashing Brooke Shields for her usage of prescribed medication, all while hoping to promote Scientology as the way to live. Okay, so this I took to heart because I graduated with a degree in Psychology, and yet I don't consider myself an "expert", nor do I think I know all about prescription drugs. And just when in the hell did Tom have time to master psychology anyway? Studying a part for a movie doesn't mean you really know what the character knows... fucking moron. Anyhow, this second outbreak was when Tom Cruise went from up here (about 5'8" inches) to down here (1" from ground). I couldn't stand him from this point on... Oh, and did he go on...

The third I-just-wish-he'd-shut-the-hell-up moment came when him and his girlfriend kept professing their god damn love for each other. I GET IT!! YOU TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER!!! ESPECIALLY DURING MOVIE PROMOTIONS!!!!! I mean really, no two people make out that much in public, nor say how much they love each other. My God, even Romeo and Juliet would tell them to knock it off, and Shakespeare would tell them to get a room (more like getteth thou a chamber). Still, it wasn't as bad as that "expert of psychology" or the "Matt, Matt, Matt...You're so glib" comments; however, all the PDA just made me nauseous. What's even creepier is recent footage I saw with the pair, a montage of them making out, and in one segment, I could tell he mouthed, "You don't have to". I could only assume he meant she didn't have to kiss him, but he was holding the base of her head/neck, and he slightly jerked her head towards him and tightened his grip as he said, "You don't have to". Umm, unless she wants to get her neck broken, I'm guessing she better keep lip locking. (If anyone wants proof, I could easily find said footage again. Seriously, he's psycho.)

The fourth slight came when Tom Cruise insisted that "South Park" be cancelled because they had made a show mocking both himself and Scientologists. I thought the episode was flippin' hilarious, as did millions of other people, but not old Tommy boy. He flipped out and wanted the show cancelled, and to see to it, he threatened not to promote Mission Impossible III, which I'm sure sucked just like the previous one. This was so asinine on so many levels, that I just wrote Tom Cruise off as the biggest fucking loser in the land. The creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, mock EVERYONE. Here's a clue, Jesus is a recurring character!! The show is notorious for its humorous slant on things that are happening in the world, that no one really even takes it to heart. Except for Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes, who quit after the Scientology episode because he's also a Scientologist. I guess mocking Christians and hundreds of other wasn't so bad for Mr. Hayes. Anywho, Tom made such a stink about the show, that they pulled the episode from airing (Stone and Parker have submitted "Tom in the Closet" for some award and it's been nominated, of course, and now the episode can be aired again). I would think he had more important things to worry about... For example, his own public image, but hey who am I? I'm no expert on public image, well not yet anyway.

Tom Cruise later went on to have some British pranksters arrested because they had a dummy microphone that squirted water in his face during a press opportunity/movie premiere. Yes, it was a funny prank, but it was mean. I understand him being upset. This guy went friggin' ballistic! You would have thought he was being pissed on from how pissed off he got. The men, all working for a British television series, got to spend a night in jail because Tom was wet for two minutes. I hate a rat, and a rat that squeals because he got water in his eyes makes me want to punch him in the face.

After the outrageous attempts to sink his own career, Tom Cruise has not slowed down from his stupid shenanigans during the past few months. He and his gal, Katie, are still as kisserific as before, the devil baby is being hidden from the rest of the free (and holy) world, and he still gives his stupid fucking opinions about things he's not an expert on. Until Tom Cruise pushes a baby out of that tight-wad ass of his, I don't want to hear that women shouldn't cry out during childbirth from him. Or that postpartum depression isn't real, medication isn't the way and is actually harmful and not at all helpful, vitamins, exercise, and diet are the ONLY way...No more! Being opinionated does not make one an expert; I should know because I'm an expert opinionist, but that's about it. It doesn't take expertise to be an asshole, Mr. Cruise, and unfortunately, that's the poor bastard's only expertise.


Truly Venomous,

Not~So~(Cruise)Cosmo

Katie's Baby

Fellow Witsies:


If you follow celebrity news at all, you must surely be aware of the fact that the little Tomkitten has never been seen. If you're not in the loop of celebrity pairs' nicknames, it's Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' (TomKat) little tyke. I know, it's disgusting. Anyhow, after months of public face-sucking/promoting films, the much anticipated Suri Cruise was hatched, and the world rejoiced to see the spawn of the highly kiss-able pair. Yet, Tom and Katie (does Katie really get any say...ever?) have decided not to show their new baby girl off. And not in the way that Whacko Jacko tried to hide his Blanket with a blanket. I'm talking no one has seen Suri at all. Period. Not even under a blanket, or all paparazzi-ish. Nothing. It's become such a stink that one magazine actually started a count down until Suri is sighted. In addition, people think without a film to promote, the pair aren't as media hungry; that even hiding the baby from the public is a publicity stunt in itself for attention; the couple are holding out for more money for any photos of the baby; while still others have ventured deep into the land of conspiracy theory and think there never was a baby. All these theories have crossed my mind a number of times; however, none has stuck like what I'm about to share with you.

At first I questioned if Tom was the dad of young Suri. "What if Suri's father is black? They can't display some biracial baby and say it theirs..." were my first thoughts. But then the wheels started turning even more, and that theory didn't feel quite right. And then it hit me! Suri's father is the Antichrist!!! I know it sounds insane, but I can explain. Surely.

An aspiring actor becomes part of some cult, drugs and coerces his sweet, homely lady to have sex with the devil, the lady gets pregnant and has the offspring of Satan. Sound familiar? Yeah, at first you think Rosemary's Baby, but we can't ignore that it completely parallels the lives of TomKat and their devilish Tomkitten. Tom Cruise is an aspiring actor, no longer "the Man" in Hollywood, after a few disappointments on big budget films in the last few years. Fact. He is a "Scientologist", which if you read anything about it, it seems a tad bit cultish. Opinion, but I still say Fact. Katie Holmes is sweet in that Mia Farrow way, and he does seem to have her on some Deebo mind control. Fact. She got knocked up out of nowhere. Fact. Lastly, everyone is denied seeing this kid, just as viewers were denied of seeing that little creature in Rosemary's Baby. Fact. I've given this waaaay too much thought... FACT!

It sounds like madness, but I think Tom Cruise made a deal with the devil for one more really great film that will get him an Oscar nod, put him in charge of Scientology, or straighten his crooked teeth... I don't know why, but I'm sure a deal was made. In return, Katie hatched Satan's offspring. What if the whole idea seems so outrageous that that is the twist? A movie plot for a Hollywood couple, and with the world waiting, watching, and witnessing the birth of destruction. It's genius in its simplicity. It's madness to the core.

If you think me insane, join the masses, but be part of the few to comment about it. Until next time, keep an eye (and a cross) out for Suri...

Truly,

Not~So~Cosmo

When you hear the glass, that's your ass!

My Literate Friends:

Oh my word! As you all have read, I've been loathing work lately. It was mostly due to this new boss I had who was trying to throw his newfound weight around. I'm not exactly a fan of authority. So, what did I do when he made inappropriate comments and demands? Nothing. I simply wished him gone. Many have told me to be more aggressive, take the ring, grab the bull by the horns... What if that's just not my style? I prefer wishing and waiting; for patience is my favorite virtue. Just this morning I asked, "Why should I have to do anything? Isn't just wishing him gone enough?" Well as of two hours ago, I got my answer... he's gone. No more of that pesty glass ceiling; I've chucked a stone through it. It's been shattered and obliterated. And best of all, I used telekinetic powers to throw the rock. I'm back to being Bossy...and loving it.

Not~So~Cosmo

When Witsy Words Won't Do

The voice in my head tells me to do this at times, but I just cant... I'm too damn nice. Hopefully Zidane can headbutt that out of me.

Who Killed Chivalry?

Agent Smith:

Forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been awhile since my last post. I took a small sabbatical to get my mind right; luckily it's good like new. After checking the old calendar and realizing it is Wednesday, I’m jonesin’ for my "Why Women? Wednesday" fix. In the meantime, I’d like to ask a question or two myself.

Is chivalry dead? And if so, did women kill it?

There came a time when women wanted their independence, and rightfully so. With this newfound independence came the backlash of man-bashing, and the "I can do anything/everything myself" mentality. And, alas, chivalry died... I have heard women say that men are no longer chivalrous, and I've heard those same women say they like "bad boys". Ummm.... Since when are bad boys known for their chivalry? Men who are chivalrous aren't really the type of men women go for anymore; sad, but true. After time, as is with anything that isn't properly reinforced, chivalry ceased to exist because everyone just stopped caring for anyone but themselves.

Is apathy the real killer?

Let's call chivalry "common courtesy" instead, so that it is neither a male nor a female trait; it's just human. Whether a man or a woman gets to a door first, is it not courteous to hold it open? I've had so many doors almost bang me in the face... common courtesy must be dead too. Both men and women have grown to be so consumed with themselves, that there is no longer any time for courtesy. Who cares, right? Why bother? That attitude has led to men not doing what is customarily a chivalrous and noble service to women; and it's led women to assume so little from men that there are no longer great expectations. It has led both sexes to complacency.

How I do wish that human kindness was overflowing. These were my morning ponderings, and I'd very much appreciate any input or feedback. Until next time…


Not~So~Cosmo

Where Was Witsy?

Witsy Readers:

To those of you who take a gander at the site from time to time, you may have noticed my little "sabbatical" I took from writing. My last few posts have been a bit on the cynical side, so I stopped, looked around, and there it came... my 19th Nervous Breakdown. It had been awhile since the last breakdown and I have the tendency to let it all build up; c'est la vie. The beauty is it came and passed...again, c'est la vie.

Oddly enough, at the very times that I feel like I’m breaking down, so do most of my close friends and family members. This is a strange coincidence, and more so, I don't believe in coincidences. There will always be someone at some point having a breakdown, and that someone is going to need a listening ear; mine own ears seem to be a favorite, even when I'm consumed with my worries. I have friends who tell me that I've said the nicest things, and I don't even remember saying anything that nice, mostly because I felt so crappy myself. Not that I lie or ego fluff! LOL!! It's more of that I say things that are so true, and well... assumed, that I don't think it's a compliment; it's factual. There are very few of you who I tell that "you're wonderful"; I truly mean it. You give me hope before, during, and after each of my breakdowns, even the ones we don't talk about. Merci.

As for Witsy, it's alive and running. The past week has given me loads to write about, but minus that venomous tone. Will Work For Shoes, I'm so sorry...I know you love my venomous tone.

^_^

Not~So~Cosmo

Independence Day

It is another day of independence, an luckily for the machine, the office was closed today. I did exactly what I wanted, from waking up late, to learning how to cook on the grill. I already know how to cook on it, but it was more of the cleaning the coals out and the whole icky process that I usually call "man work"; yeah, I did all that stuff. It was hot and gross and incredibly icky, but I wanted to learn how to do it so much that it was hella fun. Especially when I finally got to light the coals... it's a thing of beauty to a pyromaniac, let me assure you. I'd love to say that everything went down without a hitch, but I can't. What I did love was that I still got to learn from each hitch. Sidenote: I now know why it is necessary to pile the coal in a pyramid-shape on the coal-holding-rack thingy to keep the coals burning. Well, not why so much, but I know what happens if you lay them flat and evenly across because you "think it's cuter like that"; they don't keep burning. Another important reminder is to listen to the person that is in fact teaching you how to do everything...Trial and error.

In the end, when the entire meal turns out wonderfully, no one even knows about the small mishaps anyway; better still when a mishap becomes a work of genius. Bob Ross would call it a "happy accident" in his painting, so I borrowed it for cooking purposes. I do enjoy learning, and I had a ball making a mess of things and cleaning it all up; however, the best was knowing I could do it if I were by myself, Independently. Happy 4th of July.

Not~So~Cosmo

"Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes."

~Dazed and Confused

Rage Against the Monday

Monday Warriors:


On this eve of Independence Day, I feel not at all independent. Perhaps if I were independently wealthy, then I wouldn't be forced to sit at this desk on my least favorite day of the week feeling so lackluster... perhaps... I woke up this morning with immediate awareness that I didn't want to go to work. I mean REALLY didn't want to. That I-don't-care-if-I-get-fired not wanting to go to work. Even though the job is super easy, I'm not bothered much all day, and the money is nice, I just don't want to HAVE to. Wow! On paper I seem like a spoiled brat; perhaps I am. Regardless, being forced to pay homage to the Machine is torture. To hell with the Machine. Would anyone even notice if I neglected the stupid Machine for one lousy day? Sadly, the answer may be "Yes". Sources tell me Big Brother is watching...

After some coaxing from my future ex-husband, (and a bit of growling, I'm sure)I came to the office, unwillingly, unhappily, and worst of all dependently. I'm no Bartleby (the scrivener...it's a Melville reference), so I can't just refuse to work, and refuse to be fired, so I submit to my post and secretly loathe it. Is that how the majority of the working class feel? Am I simply PMSing?
Do I need a vacation? ...I don't flippin' know. Too much work and no play makes anyone a bit moody, but I would expect the feeling to plateau. Instead, I hate work more and more with each passing day. It's not healthy. All I know is that the last thing I feel is Independent when I'm a slave to the Machine.

It could all be that my new "superior" expects me to work tomorrow, on the Fourth of July... a national holiday! If I were in the business of saving lives, yeah, maybe. However, I work in a sales office for remodeled condos! I'm not a trouble maker, but for The Cause, there is no way I'm stepping foot in this office on Tuesday; Wednesday is still up in the air because France plays Portugal in the WC semis and I sooo don't want to miss either team... I digress. I just need to run away, which is such a juvenile thought, but it's true. All I want is to get away from here, it seems like my only option for instant gratification.

Where? Unknown. How long? Negative. With whom? Who's coming with me?...


Not~So~Cheerful

Financial Woes (A Comment to The Mantrix)

Agent Smith:

I've been meaning to respond to so much of what you've been writing to, but you should know my attention span when it comes to World Cup Soccer (and if you don't know, now you knooow). The post that totally tickled my fancy was the "Financial Solutions" that sometimes fall upon even the very best of us. For anyone who would count themselves fortunate enough to have never been declined at the register for "insufficient funds", it is I that pities you. You know not that face you will someday make, or that gut-wrenching feeling, but it's coming... I have been declined. Oh my, how it hurts to be declined! Yet, it is a learning process one must go through. It has nothing to do with social status, spending habits, budgeting techniques, or anything that one can try to plan for. Seriously, Donald Trump went bankrupt... It's at times mismanagement, and other times bank error. C'est la vie.

I'm usually good with money by only dealing with money. Bank/credit cards will throw off my mental when it comes to spending; as I tell my friends, "I only deal in the currency". Even still, accidents happen. For the most part, everything runs super smoothly; however, there are times when I have to rely on my bank card, and OH! How the trouble ensues...

There is this face that I can't describe, that I KNOW appears when the cashier says, "your card was declined". It is the face of utter shock, and for lack of a better term, it's my "What The Fuck?" face. When I KNOW I have money, and that stupid person tells me I'm declined, oh my GOD... I have this moment of absolute confusion/frustration/humiliation/damnation all in one. If you've never been declined, don't worry about it; you just won't get it. If you have been at the register with all the stuff you reeeallly want, but now some dumb machine and cashier says, "you CAN'T have it", and it's because you "CAN'T afford it (you know that's what they are thinking), it is the most disheartening thing imaginable.

As for your advice, Agent Smith, I'd blindly take it because I think you'd have a better handle with the finances than myself. Also, you're a fearless leader. I am Witsy, and I do like spending, but more importantly, I hate being denied. At least the mismanaging/bad advice would be your fault at the end of the day.


Not~So~Cosmo